Taken from DailyKos

by Bill in Portland Maine

Thu Sep 18, 2008 at 04:13:40 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Character Building

Dear America's Youth,

Hey! Sup? Got a minute? Right---of course you don't. Well, we're the adults here so put the skateboard down, take the iPod plugs out of your ears, sit down and pay attention.

You may have noticed that the country you live in has turned into a bit of a mess lately. Not to put too fine a point on it, um, dudes and dudettes, but we're out of money, people are losing their homes and jobs and selling their bling to get by, we're mired in two endless wars, the planet's baking to a crisp, and nobody knows what to do. In short, we appear to be fucked. We can use that word...we're adults.

Anyway, this is just a heads-up that your mission in life will be to clean up our mess.

I know what you're saying. "Hey, we didn’t crap this shit. Why do we gotta clean it up?!" First, watch your language. Second, we planned it. Let us explain.

You see, in order to build character and resilience and valuable "life skills," we must tear you down and then build you up. We must break your spirit, make your stuff worthless, and show utter disregard for your future. But when the time is right, we'll turn over the reins to you so you can fix everything. It's called "tough love," and we're doing it because we care. Quit slouching.

Now, we're not quite done ruining the country yet. That will take a little more time. So keep on doing what you're doing for now, but be ready to take over when we give you the signal. The signal, by the way, will probably look like a bunch of grownups jumping off of bridges.

I know this must all seem terribly daunting and inconvenient, but it's for your own good. If you don’t figure out how to rebuild the most powerful country on earth when it's been reduced to rubble, you'll spend your lives all spoiled and complacent and happy. Trust us...you'll thank us later for giving you this amazing opportunity.

Peace. Word. Wii.

---The Adults Currently In Charge Of Things

P.S. We'll give you a head start with this free tip. Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff: Zac Effron.

P.P.S. When China calls and demands their money back, you might be able to buy some time by offering them the Dakotas. Oh, and get a haircut.